Who Knew NOT Having a Baby Would Be This Hard on My Body?

Y'all must think after my last couple posts that I am a diagnosed Debbie Downer, so I promise this will be my last serious post for a while. I thought about not even posting this, but I could really use some advice from y'all.

As you may recall from a while back, I have been having trouble with steady weight gain (22lbs in two years to be exact) despite not changing my diet. In fact, I eat much healthier and work out more. Unfortunately, my weight continues to rise. I have fought with doctors about that symptom, among others, and have received little to no response. They finally ran some tests and for the most part, my thyroid is "normal" with a slight "abnormality" to my cortisol levels. They are running more tests but "don't expect my endocrine system to be the problem."

Well, what the hell is the problem? That, I don't know. But I began doing some research on the only foreign substance I put in my body...my Birth Control.

I take Yasmin and have for the previous 4 years. I was not on any bc before I got married. 

Now that I've been researching this drug, I'm almost convinced it might be my issue. Online forums and medication review sites have listed a number of what I assumed were thyroid symptoms as side effects of Yasmin: 

weight gain, loss of sex drive, mood swings, depression, hair thinning, shortness of breath, cramps in legs, anxiety, ginormous boobs, etc...

People who have taken this drug describe themselves as being "off" like they just weren't themselves and that's EXACTLY how I have felt for almost 2 years!  I just attributed it to moving (again), inability to find a job in new city, husband traveling a lot, and everyday stress. 

But something is most certainly NOT right. I am not the person my husband married, the girl my friends know and love, the happy go lucky sister/daughter my family loves. 

Im thinking of stopping the pill and letting my body get back to its natural state for a while but the sites also say getting off this pill will make me have terrible acne (though I never had acne growing up), it will make me bloated, etc.. I thought if you were going to have side effects from a bc pill, it would occur immediately, not 1.5-2 years into it.

Have any of y'all taken Yasmin? Suffered these side effects? Gotten off it? 

Dreaming of Home

"You leave home and you move on and you do the best you can
I got lost in this old world and forgot who I am
I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing"

Once again, it has been too long between posts but it seems life isn't willing to cut me a break right now! I'm sitting here, alone, resembling a raccoon with mascara running down my face as I listen to Miranda Lambert sing about going home. My parents just left after a week here and truthfully, it is always a waterworks show when my mom and I leave one another. However, my dad seems to have joined in as of late, which is really hard for me. My dad has always been a rock in our family, so for me to see him with tears in his eyes...well, it just kills me! 

However, this time I dropped my parents off at the airport and headed home to an empty house. Mr. Marine travels all the damn time now, which I am adapting to in my traditional fashion...get annoyed and barely communicate to avoid missing him. In NC, these "vacations" from my hubby didn't bother me. It was more time for wine and chick flicks with my best Marine wife friends. Now, they are nothing but a reminder that this place ain't home.

There is quite a bit going on in my life that I have no control over and it is making me want my mama. I know I signed up for this ride, but it doesn't make these days any easier. I'm not one to divulge personal information; In all honesty, I don't even tell Mr. Marine certain things until I blow up on him and he insists I tell him "what my deal is." When things are bothering me, I don't want you to hug me, ask me how I'm doing, or tell me everything will be ok...unless you are my mommy. I will be 30 in a few months and I still find the most comfort in putting my head in her lap and having her rub my hair. 

North Carolina felt like home to me, so even though it could never be Texas, it was a decent substitute. I was close enough to visit my in-laws, my family, and I had the company of some of my best friends. Well, no matter how much I want it to be...our current Midwest home just doesn't feel like home. 

Do any of my fellow mil wives get so homesick you just want to pack up, grab the dog and head home to friends, family and familiarities that make everything else ok? 

P.S. Tomorrow, I won't be so pity partyish...As my Mimi says, "I'm allowed one night. Then I have to pick myself up by my bootstraps and move along."