Beware - Hate Clouds Ahead!

Last night's conversation with Mr. Marine at a bar/restaurant in which half-naked women were walking around promoting Three Olives Vodka for an event:

Me: "That girl should not be wearing that short of a skirt with her legs." 

Mr. Marine: "I didn't notice anything about her legs" (where he smirks and avoids eye contact)

Me: "Well, if you look when she passes under the light, you will see all sorts of cellulite. And her skirt is short enough (picture Pretty Woman, scene 1) that I can see the fat pockets of her inner thighs."

Mr. Marine: "Hmmmm"

Later in the evening, she begins passing out little trinkets to people in our area.

Me: "Why isn't she even coming over towards us? I want some pop-rocks!"

Mr. Marine: "Maybe because you've been snarling in her direction all night."

Me: "She doesn't know that. I'd smile if she looked at me."

Mr. Marine: "Well, I am sure she can spot the hate clouds over your head. They have been spewing hate at her all night."

Later...after I have time to observe the corporate man table that won't leave her alone.

Me: "I am not being hateful because I am just one of those girls that hates women more beautiful than me. If she were looking hot in that getup I'd be the first one to say so."

Mr. Marine: "I know."

Me: "I think she gets away with an inappropriate outfit b/c she has big puffy blonde hair (with terrible extensions, I might add). Blondes get away with it more because men can't see past the hypnotic bleach."

Mr. Marine: "Honestly babe, I think we (meaning men) expect brunettes to be skinnier. But blondes can get away with being fatter since they already have the blonde thing going on."

WHAT!!!! 

* Please note that I mean no disrespect (I was once sporting the blonde hair myself) to my fair haired friends. I am just addressing the women who pour bleach on their hair until it kills all living follicles...and subsequently any breathing man's brain cells!