Are my fears of [someday] motherhood irrational or rational?
I know moms out there will tell me "it is the best thing in the world," "it is worth every sacrifice you will make," "You won't ever regret it." But I am terrified of the idea.
I just got off the phone with a very dear friend who I admire as a parent. She is a wonderful mother but she didn't lose herself in the process. She makes time for her relationship with her husband without neglecting her kids. But I also have friends who won't leave their babies, haven't been on a date with their husbands in years, have relationship issues because of it, and they can't talk about anything besides kids.
My fears:
- Losing my sense of identity
- Having a marriage that gets neglected
- "Ruining a good thing" so to speak
- Losing my fashion sense
- Having to clean up after my vomiting kid (Hint: other peoples throw up makes me vomit)
- Losing the ability to speak about worldly things, instead speaking of poop, baby food, etc...
- Becoming frumpy (I'll die if I ever purchase faux jeans with elastic waistbands)
- Not being able to provide for my kids like I was provided for (ie spoiled)
- Not being able to pay for their college or private school education
- Being too selfish to be a good mother
- Not being able to travel to places besides Disney
- Being a "single" mom while my husband deploys
- Having to give birth alone in the case that Mr. Marine is off with his wife (ie USMC)
- Screwing my kids up
- Being too harsh
- Not disciplining enough
- The list goes on...and on...and on....
However, I will be 29 next month and I don't want to miss my chance at motherhood. My parents are everything to me and I want them to know my children. I want them to know my mother and why she is my best friend. I want them to know my dad and my step-dad and neither is is great health.
Guess I am just being paranoid. I always said, if God wants me to have kids He will surprise us because Mr. Marine and I will over think this until we are out of time!
Salmon Aglio e Olio with Lemon Parmesan Orzo.
5 hours ago
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I don't think that your fears are anything unusual. I think about at least half of them. I guess another fear of mine is that I won't enjoy it. At this point in my life, I feel like I have zero maternal ablity. It scares me to think that I could have children, and not enjoy being a mom.
ReplyDeleteIt's such a tough choice to make! I'm sure when the time is right, you'll be ready!
I fear most of the same things, especially not being able to provide for my kids like my parents provided for me!!! That one really bothers me!
ReplyDeleteI understand your intent with this post, but it sounds a little selfish.
ReplyDeleteWell, the good things is that with the first half of your list, just know that it doesn't have to be like that. I swear!!
ReplyDeleteI have 2 kids and I'm not frumpy, still stylish, speak about things other than poop, and have a wonderful marriage!! It can be done, so don't worry too much :)
I'm sure you'll be a wonderful (and gorgeous!) mom!!
I feel all of the same things but most of all I fear getting fat and never being able to loose the weight.
ReplyDeleteI have all those feelings... I am 29 and I feel like I'm supposed to be ready for this, but honestly, as weird as it may sound to some...I don't feel old enough.
ReplyDelete*claps* Bravo dear! I'm a few years behind you at 26, and I could've written this post word for word - substituting the Marine stuff for firefighter stuff. On top of all the fears and the thought that I could be happy keeping my job title to wife only, I feel a tremendous amount of guilt when I think of not giving my parents grandchildren. Especially when my mother starts in on her "all I ever wanted to do was be a mother" trip. :S
ReplyDeleteDitto to everything you said!! (and the The Holmes' comment also).
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness, I could have written this post.
ReplyDeleteAm I too selfish? Am I going to be a good mom? Will I even enjoy it?????
I always thought I wanted kids, but after seeing so many of my friends have babies and totally change...it has turned me off! I want my marriage to still be a priority, I want to be able to have a conversation about something other than diapers and formula or my breasts. I want to be able to go on vacations and buy frivolous things with my money instead of saving for college tuition...
I don't know. I just really feel you on this. You aren't alone.