I got lost in this old world and forgot who I am
I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing"
Once again, it has been too long between posts but it seems life isn't willing to cut me a break right now! I'm sitting here, alone, resembling a raccoon with mascara running down my face as I listen to Miranda Lambert sing about going home. My parents just left after a week here and truthfully, it is always a waterworks show when my mom and I leave one another. However, my dad seems to have joined in as of late, which is really hard for me. My dad has always been a rock in our family, so for me to see him with tears in his eyes...well, it just kills me!
However, this time I dropped my parents off at the airport and headed home to an empty house. Mr. Marine travels all the damn time now, which I am adapting to in my traditional fashion...get annoyed and barely communicate to avoid missing him. In NC, these "vacations" from my hubby didn't bother me. It was more time for wine and chick flicks with my best Marine wife friends. Now, they are nothing but a reminder that this place ain't home.
There is quite a bit going on in my life that I have no control over and it is making me want my mama. I know I signed up for this ride, but it doesn't make these days any easier. I'm not one to divulge personal information; In all honesty, I don't even tell Mr. Marine certain things until I blow up on him and he insists I tell him "what my deal is." When things are bothering me, I don't want you to hug me, ask me how I'm doing, or tell me everything will be ok...unless you are my mommy. I will be 30 in a few months and I still find the most comfort in putting my head in her lap and having her rub my hair.
North Carolina felt like home to me, so even though it could never be Texas, it was a decent substitute. I was close enough to visit my in-laws, my family, and I had the company of some of my best friends. Well, no matter how much I want it to be...our current Midwest home just doesn't feel like home.
Do any of my fellow mil wives get so homesick you just want to pack up, grab the dog and head home to friends, family and familiarities that make everything else ok?
P.S. Tomorrow, I won't be so pity partyish...As my Mimi says, "I'm allowed one night. Then I have to pick myself up by my bootstraps and move along."
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I know how much you love TX and your family. I feel the same about SC. However, my time in TX seems like it was much like your time in the midwest. I was miserable. I was homesick 95% of the time. I was always taking it out on my husband as if he was the one that was making us stay there. It was so drastically different than anything I had known up to that point and I could not wait to get away. There were definitely days I wanted to pack everything up, take the dog, tell Scott to meet me at home when the Army released him, then board a plane and never look back.
ReplyDeleteI am so much happier now that I am back on the east coast. I'm really only about 2 hours closer to home than I was when we were in TX, but I feel much closer to home. I don't miss home nearly as much now because this area doesn't seem so foreign to me. There are rolling hills and tall, tall trees, and the greenest grass I've ever seen. These are all things that I longed to see when I was in TX. I just think there are places that just don't fit with some people. I think you can try and try to be happy anywhere you end up, but it works better in some places than others. I'm going to stop writing a book now. I hope you are able to readjust to being there without your parents soon!
Glad you had a fun time with your family! I know how sad it is when they leave, though :( Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteI definitely understand how that goes. My BFFs are in Florida, and despite having made GREAT friends here, I do miss just hanging out with them because it's been over 6 months since I saw them last.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy the limited-time pity party and then get back to smiling that big ol' smile of yours :)
Of COURSE we get homesick! I miss my friends and family always, but some days are particularly hard. I try to remain positive and focus on building a new life in a new place, but there are certainly pity party days too. As long as you don't stay there for long, give yourself time to pout. It's okay!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you're homesick and struggling! I hope that you can find some friends to drink and chick flick with, and that Mr M comes back soon. I'm in the Midwest, too. Maybe we need to pinpoint some locations and see if we could hang for a day?! At least it would be something different...!
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