You Want My Hips To Do What?

Let me preface this by telling ya'll that I was a dancer for over 15 years. I danced tap, ballet and jazz. Of course, I then became a cheerleader, with some body contorting gymnastics thrown in there along the way. Please don't misunderstand when I say dancer...I can groove and shimmy to a choreographed routine, but I am not (never have been) one to go clubbing and tear-up the dance floor; unless it is a Texas bar where I can be pushed around the parquet by handsome cowboys in too-tight jeans (which never happens now that I am happily married...to a preppy not a cowboy). 

So when the gym that I work for (part-time in marketing) sent me home with an Urban Striptease video I was a bit nervous but somewhat excited. My body has become a bit "fluffier" than it was in my dancing days, and I have been wanting to try pole dancing exercises, so I popped this video in and the fun began.

I thought that I could learn a routine, and maybe even surprise my Marine with it. I ain't gonna lie, I'm married to a Marine so therefore my husband has seen good amounts of other women's perky boobs, flat tummies and flowing long hair.  My boobs no longer stand at attention, my tummy shimmies when I do, and my hair is short (for now anyways) so I thought this would really get his blood flowing. Now, my husband is the world's best, now that we are hitched...but a single Marine is a naughty Marine and I was gonna reach down deep and bring out my naughty Southern side.

There isn't one. I secretly danced in our basement, worked up a sweat and burst out in laughter. My body has become so tight from years of not dancing and no yoga that when the sexy instructor told me to "roll my body" my body only showed me its rolls. When she instructed me to shimmy...I felt more shaking in my flabby triceps then in my bust. And when she told me to crawl on the floor, all I could think was..."oh my gawd, my tummy pudge is hangin' lower than I thought."

So I am going to try it again...after some yoga and Weight Watchers. I am not a really large person in actuality. I am only 5' 2" and 120 pounds. However, I have let myself get flabby so I am what one might call "skinny fat" and I need to firm up before I start shakin' my tush (which is the only firm part of me) around the room for my Marine.

But even then, I am not sure I am cut out for this. I applaud the gals that role play but I just laugh. Go get em' if you are one who cracks the whip...but I just laugh. Well, I guess it isn't all bad because they say laughter is amazing for the abs. So as my husband would say, "I've got that goin' for me...which is nice."